I'm back! Maybe...

So... I decided to log into blogger today, and maybe write a post, since I amazingly, have 10 followers! I haven't blogged since April 2009! That's kind of sad... Anyways, I'd like to try this again. I can't promise that I will blog that often, (or even that I'll blog again), but I'd like to try. The thing is, I have this problem... it's called procrastination. It's had a huge effect on my life, and I'm really really trying to break this terrible habit, but it's sooo hard. And I guess I kind of didn't see my blog as a priority. : ) But blogs can be kind of fun, and I see it as a way of recording things which I learn so I can look back on them, kind of like a diary, but not quite so personal.

So, here's 2 things which I've been thinking about recently:

• I'm in a part of my life where I need to decide what I'm going to do next. I'm almost graduated, (homeschooling can take longer for the unmotivated ones... like me) and the tentative plan I had was to go into airplane mechanics. That kind of got a "no" from God. (At least as far as I could see.) So... I've been learning to trust God. I still find it so difficult... because it's so incredibly scary! I want to have my life mapped out for the next 5 years. I want to know exactly where each step I take will be going. But at this point, I don't know. What I do know, is that God has a plan for me which will be so much more exciting than anything I could ever dream of, and if I am doing His will, His blessings will follow. So, I'm learning to trust Him.

• I am being constantly convicted of things which I don't want to be convicted of! Isn't that the way it always is though? : ) I somehow stumbled across a website called Feelin' Feminine (http://feelinfeminine.com/), and the girl (Jocelyn) who started it has a blog called A Pondering Heart (http://aponderingheart.com/blog/). Anyways, I don't agree with everything she says (yet), but I came across one article in which she talks about Lord of the Rings, and Narnia. She linked to another article which scared me, and really convicted me that the little nagging thought that Narnia is wrong... might just have been the Holy Spirit. I've never read any Lord of the Rings stuff or watched the movies (except for a bit of the second one) because my parents don't agree with it, but I have a friend who was practically obsessed with it. So anyways, here's the article and 2 articles regarding this from A Pondering Heart to get you thinking and praying...

(Before you open these links, I just want to say that they might be kind of scary, just to warn you, so you might want to read them with your parents, depending on your age. And also, I realize that everyone is convicted of God of different things at different times of their life, so I'm not trying to force my own convictions on anyone... )

http://www.lasttrumpetministries.org/tracts/tract11.html

http://aponderingheart.com/blog/?p=432

http://aponderingheart.com/blog/?p=446

...I might have to do a bit of praying about my Narnia books!

God bless!

~Hannah

PS. This was written sometime around August 2010... not July 2009... not sure how that got confused, or how to fix it...

What we think

I was washing dishes the other day thinking about stuff, I have no idea what, when suddenly this random thought popped into my mind, "I'm wasting my thoughts!". Is it possible to waste your thoughts, like you waste your time? I actually don't know. It was the weirdest concept I had heard of, (except that I didn't really hear of it.) But if my thoughts are supposed to be focused on God, and instead I am thinking about what happened during the day, what I'm doing on Friday, my friend's new job, etc., then maybe it really is possible to be wasting my thoughts.

I have no idea if that makes sense or not, but I thought I'd just throw that out there...


For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Psalm 23:7

A few things I've been thinking about

1. 1 Timothy 4 :15 Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.

God wants my spiritual progress to be evident to all! I never thought that He might want to show others how He was working in my life, although it should have been obvious, because if He is working in my life, He will get the glory, and why are we created? To give Him glory. So I will try and be more transparent with my spiritual walk. : )



2. We have a CD called Sounds Like Home which has a song which every time it plays is really convicting. The chorus goes like this:

Did you tell someone about Jesus?
Did you mention His name to a friend?
Did you warn the stranger who's lost and undone
That death is the wages of sin?
Did you show them the plan of salvation?
Did you tell them He's coming again?
Did you talk about Jesus or the things of this world?
Did you tell someone about Him?

That is sooo convicting for me! "Did you talk about Jesus or the things of this world?" I like never talk about Jesus but rather talk about "the things of this world". I am too afraid. I think it is a common problem for Christians nowadays... which is really sad. I think it gets easier with practise though, and the better my relationship with the Lord gets, the more I will want to share about Him.



3. Psalm 45: 10-11
Listen, O daughter,
Consider and incline your ear;
Forget your own people also, and your father’s house;
So the King will greatly desire your beauty;
Because He is your Lord, worship Him.

I first noticed these verses because of the fact that it says "daughter", and the Bible usually refers to people as "men" or "my son" etc. I really have been thinking about it in the last few days though, because it says to forget our family and friends and to focus on God. And I usually do the exact opposite. I focus on other people's weaknesses instead of coming in humility to God, and focusing on Him.

This is totally not a proper blog.

I am sick right now. The last in my family besides my Dad to get the flu, which lasts like a week. : ( But that gives me more time to write and do my school, if I'm not in bed all day.

So, I think I might tell other people about this. I'm not sure yet though. (Btw, I mean people I know.) I don't like sharing my thoughts with others. That's why I use a pen name. So anyone who finds me won't know who I am. Which I like, but I've been looking at other people's blogs, and they all have a bunch of followers who they know. So far I've been following blogs anonymously. So. Do I want everybody knowing my thoughts about my walk with God, or not? I guess the fact is, that I hate criticism. (I think everyone does though.) But I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get a whole lot of criticism from this, unless it's from one of my siblings. So am I alright? I guess everybody knowing exactly what I think will make me accountable, in a way, because if I don't act like I say I think, then that will make me a hypocrite. And I absolutely hate hypocriticalness.
Okay, I have to go to bed so I`ll just leave it for now, but I`m going to stop following anonomously. : )

Quotes

I'm just putting random quotes from The God You Can Know right now because... well they're really good!


"When we realize that God delights in nothing more than revealing Himself to His creatures, then we understand why knowing Him is our highest calling. In fact, we are allowed to brag about nothing elseexcept that we know God. "'Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast in his riches; but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who exercises lovingkindness, justice, and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,' declares the Lord" (Jeremiah 9:23-24. italics added)."

"Charles Spurgeon said these words in one of his sermons: Many men believe in the existence of a God; but they do not love that belief. They know there is a God; but they greatly wish there were none. Some would be very pleased, yeah, would set the bells a ringing, if you believed there were no God. Why, if there were no God, then you might live just as you liked; if there were no God, then you might run riot, and have no fear of future consequences. It would be to you the greatest joy that could be, if you heard that the eternal God had ceased to be. But the Christian never wishes any such a thing as that. The thought that there is a God is the sunshine of his existence."


Plus, somewhere around there, it said that God waits to show Himself to us until we are desperate for Him. Until we need Him so badly that we would do anything to get to know Him. I don't think that I am that desperate for Him yet, although the desire to know Him gets stronger every day. But I guess that that is a good thing. I think my problem is that I want Him to show Himself to me as if it is my right. But it is not my right at all. It is only by His grace that He would even love me, and I still am expecting more. I guess God wants me to really search for Him, because so many times in scripture it says "If you seek Me you will find Me" so my problem must be that I am not really searching for Him. And I'm not. Not really. But I will try to change that, or, I guess it is only God that can change my heart toward Him.

I just finished reading the Bible through for the second time (woooot!) and I was going to try and read it through in 90 days (a little bit more than 13 chapters a day) but than I decided to look up all the places where "love" is mentioned. I've only done a few verses, but I've noticed so far that whenever God asks us to love Him, it is always the word which means affection, and that whenever His love is mentioned, it is a different kind of love toward us. Is this because we can't love God the way He loves us? Well, I know we can't love Him back the way He loves us because it is impossible to even comprehend His love with the human mind, but is is because He knew that that He commanded us to love Him with the affection kind of love? Also, the way He loves us, from the Hebrew it means:

-"to cling, i.e. join, (fig.) to love, delight in; to deliver: -have a delight, (have a ) desire, fillet, long, set (in) love."

To me, that was really special. God desires me and He delights in me! In spite of everything, all my faults, weaknesses, and unlovableness, He still loves me! I think that's pretty awesome!!!

A Father's Love Letter

This movie is pretty awesome too, and it's only 6 minutes out of your time!!! Meaning, WATCH IT!!! And, guess where I got it from! Yeah, I watched this one at Journey to the Heart too.

Knowing God.

So I'm reading this book, The God You Can Know, by Dan DeHaan, which I don't really know anything about, except that it used to be my Grandmas. Anyways, it is all about knowing God! (Surprise surprise.) According to the book, there are 10 by-products of knowing God.
1. Character development
2. Freedom from intimidation
3. Passion for the lost
4. Energy in serving the Lord
5. Renewed thoughts of God
6. True satisfaction in God.
7. Boldness for God
8. Worship keeps us from putting Christianity into situational compartments (sacred and secular)
9. The cure for situational ethics (Which means they think that all rules have exceptions)
10. Knowing the difference between repentance and remorse

Anyways, at the end, it asks you if you can say that "these ten areas are clearly lived" in your life, and which ones are the weaker ones. Well, I can't even say that one of them is clearly lived. I don't think I have any of these. That's sort of sad eh? Plus, I really really really want to know God.

I just deleted my other blog.

Yeah, the title sort of says it all. The beauty blog. Basically, I was feeling like focusing on beauty was not what God wanted me doing, (I know I already told you all this) and it was going to take a lot of time looking up information and I don't have that kind of time. Plus, I gave my time to God and I don't think He would want me spending His time on that kind of thing. But I'll show you my first introduction blog, and the pictures blog, just because I like the pictures and I want to show you some of my opinions on beauty.

Well, first of all, I am no beautician. If you are looking for something solid, this is probably not the place to find it, but I am trying to be healthy, and look healthy, and really, be beautiful.
Secondly, I do not believe true beauty comes from genes, or cosmetics. I believe it can show up, and go away, or be hiding around the corner. My opinions on beauty are:

1. Beauty is most definitely in the eye of the beholder.
2. A smile is the best makeup ever.
3. A person can be beautiful but have a hard face, making them unattractive.
4. Joy is a huge factor in "beauty"
5. I think that every girl can be beautiful, no matter how ugly they think they are. It's just part of being a girl! : )
6. 1 Peter 3: 3-4
Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

(This is the kind of beauty I really want.)

I might add more later, but that's basically my opinions.

Ok. My blog name. Well, basically I'm saying that YOU could call it beauty because I don't know what else to call it. I'm going to be writing about health, and cosmetics, and a bunch of stuff. But it's not actually beautifying, it's more enhancing the beauty which God has already given you.

And also, this might be my first and only blog, just to warn you. I don't have a lot of time, AND I go through phases. So this could turn out to be a continuous "phase", or it could stop rather abruptly.

Anyways, there's your introduction!!! (Yay!)


AND... the pictures

Pictures!

Well, I'm sort of going to copy the book Vogue Complete Beauty by Deborah Hutton, which belongs to my sister, but she's in Mexico right now, so I'm not worried about her needing it any time soon. : )
It starts with pictures over time of beautiful women, so that is what I'll start with. Or.. I'll try.

Amy Carmichael was a truly beautiful woman, in outward appearances, and inward. If you haven't read her biography, read it! It's called A Chance to Die by Elisabeth Elliot. She almost looks a little sad, but I love the expression on her face! So much compassion and understanding! (Or that's my opinion, because I know what she was like from reading the book.)

This is Jessica Alba. I actually don't know who exactly she is except that she's famous, but I like the fact that she's smiling, and she's not wearing overpowering makeup.

The website I got this from didn't say who painted it, just that it is 16th century Italian. When I first glanced at this painting, I thought "Well she was probably beautiful in her time", and then I realized that her features really are quite beautiful, but her eyes are so sad! She has a hint of a smile on her face but she really doesn't look happy!

I don't really like the way this woman looks either; the makeup almost drowns her out. But in almost everyone else's opinion, she is probably stunning.

I like this painting. She doesn't have the typical looks always associated with beauty, but she is absolutely gorgeous in her own way.

So there you go. Five "beautiful" women all with completely different looks and mostly from different times. Anyways, even though they probably differ a lot from yours, those are my thoughts on outward beauty! : )

So do you see what I mean? (Sort of?)

Darkness and "Lightness"

So this is totally random, but I'm writing it down so that I don't forget. It's one of those things which you know, but somehow it just suddenly clicks.

Okay; you know how when you suddenly walk into a dark room you can't see anything, but the longer you're in it, the more used to the darkness you become? And then you can see things clearer, but when you step into the light, it suddenly blinds you? Well that's the way it is with Christianity. Jesus is the Light of the World right? So the longer we've been in His presence, the darker and more terrible to our eyes sin is. But when we step into darkness or the things of this world or sin, the longer we are in it, the better our spiritual eyes get used to it, and then we start to see "clearly" the shapes and things which were hidden when we first stepped into it. But if we could only see with the Light those objects, then we would see way better what we think we can see, and it is revealed to us what really is going on in the darkness. And when we step into the Light from the darkness, we are blinded because sin is so normal and it is so easy to step back into the comfort of darkness. But the longer we stay in the Light, the easier it is to see and it is clearer and clearer.

K, that was a terrible explanation, but it is almost 12:00 at night and I really have to go to bed, so if you'll excuse the "misunderstandingness", I'll just go to bed now. : )

Update, but not much of one.

I just made another blog called "You could call it beauty" but I don't really know how long it will last, or if I'll ever put anything on it. And I'm almost worried that my focusing on the outward isn't what I should be doing. Because God focuses on the heart.

Anyways, I don't really have much of an update, but I wanted to put something on here so that I keep blogging. Hmmmm... well, I'm sort of discouraged still. And God isn't really doing a whole lot (or it seems like it) in my life. It seems like I'm sinking lower and lower into sin, which is probably what's happening. Basically, I have a few habits which I just can't break. I don't know what to do. They're like ruining my life. I think that if I told my parents... not that they don't know... but if I really asked for help, then maybe it would be easier. I'm tired of confessing sin and asking God to forgive me. I guess it's really teaching me just how patient God is, but I don't want to learn this way!

My goal in life is to become like the Virtuous Woman in Proverbs 31. I know that's a pretty common goal, but I'd really like to be like her. And I'd also like to live up to the meaning of my name, Hannah, which means Gracious. I'm not very gracious right now, and I'm such a bad example to my siblings! Here I am, supposed to be the one they all look up to, and then I miserably fail. I guess that's where God wants me though. I think He wants me to be completely broken before Him. (Sigh.)

More...

So it just occurred to me that maybe the reason I haven't been experiencing "fullness of joy" is because I don't pray enough. I read the Bible a lot, but I never really pray very often, so it's been a one way conversation. Obviously the Lord wants me to be communicating with him. So, I am going to try to pray more often, and see how it goes. By the way, I was praying earlier on today, and the wall was gone! But I also tried to make my heart clean before the Lord, and asked Him to show me what (sin) was in the way of our relationship, so I don't know if that had anything to do with it.

There is no way that God is not working in my life either, because there's a bunch of stuff which I've been really wondering about, and I've asked God to show me what he says about it, and recently I've been reading, and I'll come upon a verse, and it's the direct answer to my question. God is so gracious and patient with me!

Another thing is, I guess God really can work through me, because, well, look at Peter. He was a guy who was always quick to speak, always putting his foot in his mouth, always tripping up and trying to bite off more than he could chew, in fact, he denied Christ! (Probably something which I would do in that kind of situation. I really need God's help in this area.) Anyways, if God could change Peter into someone who was not afraid to speak up for Him, someone who would lead thousands of souls to Christ, someone who would later die a martyrs death for Him, I think He can change me into something which He can use. It's just a matter of if I will allow Him to work through me.

Amazing message! Long, but worth it! (I watched this at JttH as well.)

First time blogging!!!

Well, this is my first time blogging, (you may be able to tell by the title) and I'm not expecting anyone to ever read it but myself, so keep that in mind if you accidentally stumble on it, because it definitely won't be all that professional looking. Plus, it is almost like my journal, so it may be hard to follow my thoughts. : )

Anyways, I recently got a desktop picture for my computer from livingthejourney.com, which is the "unnofficial blog" of "graduates" (my term) of Journey to the Heart. And it is a gorgeous picture of the Northwoods of Michigan, with Psalm 16:11a written at the top: "Thou wilt show me the path of life, in Thy presence is fullness of joy". Isn't that verse absolutely amazing? "In THY PRESENCE is FULLNESS OF JOY"!!! That is exactly what I want to experience! Fullness of joy. In fact, I am aching to experience it. I don't think I have before though. But does that mean that I've never been in the presence of God? I don't think so, because what about when I pray, does it mean He hasn't been hearing me because I haven't had fullness of joy? I'm not sure actually. I think maybe that it just means that I've been in His presence, although I just never paid attention to it. (Maybe. I'm still a bit confused over it.)

Also, I've been having a hard time comprehending that God wants to have a relationship with ME! Sometimes I feel like it's just me who is reaching out to God and that He is not responding. But then I read the His Word, and I read verses like "He brought me to His banqueting table, His banner over me is love", and I realize that it is He who wants a relationship with me. Then why do I feel like He is not responding? Maybe it is that I am not trusting Him enough? Maybe I am not supposed to be trying, but should allow Him to reach out to me, or I should take the hand that is offered to me. But how? I'm confused. Like, I know that God wants me to be spending time with Him in His Word and prayer, but it seems like I'm going against a brick wall. I've had this experience before, like before and while I was at Journey to the Heart, but towards the end of the week, I realized the wall was gone. But I almost wonder if I was just making it up in my mind. LORD PLEASE HELP ME!!!!