First time blogging!!!

Well, this is my first time blogging, (you may be able to tell by the title) and I'm not expecting anyone to ever read it but myself, so keep that in mind if you accidentally stumble on it, because it definitely won't be all that professional looking. Plus, it is almost like my journal, so it may be hard to follow my thoughts. : )

Anyways, I recently got a desktop picture for my computer from livingthejourney.com, which is the "unnofficial blog" of "graduates" (my term) of Journey to the Heart. And it is a gorgeous picture of the Northwoods of Michigan, with Psalm 16:11a written at the top: "Thou wilt show me the path of life, in Thy presence is fullness of joy". Isn't that verse absolutely amazing? "In THY PRESENCE is FULLNESS OF JOY"!!! That is exactly what I want to experience! Fullness of joy. In fact, I am aching to experience it. I don't think I have before though. But does that mean that I've never been in the presence of God? I don't think so, because what about when I pray, does it mean He hasn't been hearing me because I haven't had fullness of joy? I'm not sure actually. I think maybe that it just means that I've been in His presence, although I just never paid attention to it. (Maybe. I'm still a bit confused over it.)

Also, I've been having a hard time comprehending that God wants to have a relationship with ME! Sometimes I feel like it's just me who is reaching out to God and that He is not responding. But then I read the His Word, and I read verses like "He brought me to His banqueting table, His banner over me is love", and I realize that it is He who wants a relationship with me. Then why do I feel like He is not responding? Maybe it is that I am not trusting Him enough? Maybe I am not supposed to be trying, but should allow Him to reach out to me, or I should take the hand that is offered to me. But how? I'm confused. Like, I know that God wants me to be spending time with Him in His Word and prayer, but it seems like I'm going against a brick wall. I've had this experience before, like before and while I was at Journey to the Heart, but towards the end of the week, I realized the wall was gone. But I almost wonder if I was just making it up in my mind. LORD PLEASE HELP ME!!!!